Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Little Peace

As the weeks passed during my pregnancy, I felt completely overwhelmed. I was nervous about having this baby because I had no idea what to expect. I remember wondering how I will deal with waiting for her to be born (yea right!). I remember wondering how I would know what to do. I remember wondering how many times I would call my mom. I remember wondering how I was going to be as a mommy.

Once Kailyn arrived, that all changed. I will never forget the feeling of overwhelming love and peace that I felt at that moment. It was like there was another world, the world of being a mommy, and I had just entered into it. I knew right then that my life had changed. When they placed Kailyn in my arms and I knew she was okay, I felt relieved. I felt peace. Peace from my mind that was constantly racing. Peace from the stress of life and the stress of work. Everything that I was worrying about seemed so insignificant. It was like nothing else mattered except my daughter.

When we brought the baby home, the first week was insane. I can't even really remember it. I was like a walking zombie trying to figure things out. It was stressful because I wanted to do everything perfectly. I put pressure on myself to be a "perfect" mommy and I didn't want anything to go wrong. After a long week, I realized that there is no such thing as doing things "perfectly." All you can do is trust your instincts and do what you feel is best. Taking care of our sweet baby is much easier than I imagined it to be. She is such a good baby, and I am so lucky.

We have fallen into a nice routine here at our house and again I feel peace. The joy of spending this time with my daughter without the stress of work and rushing around every day has been so satisfying. I feel happy. Who wouldn't be happy looking at this face everyday?

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