Every End Brings a New Beginning

Tonight, I locked eyes with my baby girl in the darkened room as I rocked her to sleep for the first time since she was a tiny infant. I sang sweet, soft lullabies to her as she played with my finger. I patted her back and nuzzled her neck as I kept my nose pressed right up against her sweet smelling hair.

Tonight, I realized I am one lucky momma. Even though I don't feel lucky right now. I feel heart broken. Tomorrow, I return to work after a summer spent at home with my baby girl. I am lucky because I was able to spend 2 months with my little lady, but that does not make the pit in my stomach disappear.

As summer ends, I don't have a fabulous tan to show for it. I am not flipping through pictures of an extravagant vacation. I do not have stories from wild, spontaneous nights out with girlfriends. The bags under my eyes have not disappeared, and I am far from well rested...but none of that matters. As summer ends, I have the most important thing to any momma...memories with my daughter. I was able to watch her as she grew, learned, and changed in front of my eyes for the past two months.

She talks, yells, and babbles all day long. This is a far journey from two months ago when I was worried about her communication. She waves to everyone! Hello, Goodbye. Her sweet little wave with her outstretched arm is one of the brightest spots of my day. She stands on everything and walks around the furniture all day. I feel so thankful and beyond grateful to have had the summer with Kay. The days were the the most fulfilled days of my life. Spending time with Kay...getting her up in the morning, feeding her, dressing her, playing with her, introducing her to new things, just sitting with her ... these are all things that I feel blessed to have been given for the past two months.

With the heartache I feel, I also feel truly lucky to have a job that I love. A job that I believe is meaningful. Not only is the teaching and instruction meaningful, but the role I play in these lives is meaningful. A very close, amazing friend of mine is putting on a brave face as she heads to work while her daughter heads to her first day of school. All I can think is...there may be a parent that can't be there the first day to see their child off, but I am there. I am that child's teacher. I have 21 sons and daughters, and I want to give these kids the most amazing first day of 1st grade and a loving, caring teacher.

I want to wish all of my friends a happy and successful school year. Here's to a year full of accomplishments and learning and hours passing quickly so we can rush home to be with our own families!