Wednesday, October 27, 2010


The NICU is where Kailyn spent her first 72 hours of life. In our circumstance, we viewed the NICU an extra special babysitter that goes above and beyond the call of duty. Kailyn was not sick, but she just needed to be monitored and watched closely. The whole time she was there, she did exceptionally well and we were blessed to bring her home with us when we left the hospital.

Having just given birth, it was hard having my sweet little girl in the NICU. First of all, she was on a different floor in the hospital. So every time I wanted to see her or feed her, I had to go down the elevator. We had to enter the NICU and scrub at the scrub sink.

We had to put on a special gown.

It felt like a lot especially in the middle of the night when I was going to feed her.

In the NICU, she was always hooked up to monitors. It was hard for me to hold her, change her, and feed her. This was her little bed and area.

It was hard. It was especially hard going back to my empty single room. I hated being alone. I wanted to be with my peanut. When I walked by all of the rooms on my floor, I saw many moms and dads snuggling their newborns. I saw bonding, cuddling, and swaddling. I saw visitors sharing and holding the babies. It made me a little jealous.

I wasn't really able to hold Kailyn and bond with her. After feeding her, I usually had to put her down and go back to my room. We did get a few pictures of the times where we did get to hold her and snuggle her.

Secondly, the whole time Kailyn was in the NICU, we did not know if we would be able to bring her home. I was worried sick that she would have to stay there, and I would be going home alone. Every time the nurse, our family, and friends would mention it, I would die inside. The thought of going home without our girl was devastating to me. My mom went through that when my brother was born, and I still don't know how she handled it.

Spending time in the NICU made my heart hurt for the other parents that are not so lucky. There were so many babies in the NICU that were not just visiting like our Kailyn. My heart goes out to all of the parents of those precious babies. I will continue to send prayers and positive thoughts in their direction. My friend A always says she should have been a NICU nurse. She knows that being a NICU nurse would bring such a joy to your life to know that you are making a difference. I don't know if I could ever do it. Being in the NICU for 72 hours was 72 hours too long for me. Walking past the incubators, cribs, and worried faces took a toll on me. I am so grateful to have my baby girl home with me, and I hope I never have a visit to the NICU in the future.

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